


take my hand (this is the only way)

by woahpip



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Communication Issues, Cuddling, F/M, Huddling For Warmth, Mission Fic, Pining, UST, extreme cold, oblivious Jyn, or "the warming of the chill", sort of a slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woahpip/pseuds/woahpip
Summary: It wasn’t Draven punishing them; that would be easy for Cassian to admit to her. It had drifted across her mind that maybe it was Mon Mothma — decorating a mission to look important, when really it was to keep them from starting riots among the troops.But after seeing the size of the tent, she could only think Chirrut had a hand in this. Jyn was sure his first question upon her return would be, “How was the sleeping situation?”*Cassian and Jyn are shipped to Hoth, tasked with determining if it's suitable for human life and can become the new Rebel base. Maybe when she's not freezing to death she can determine why Cassian wanted to bring her along with him.
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 41
Kudos: 108





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is the product of manic typing when i should be working from home. no beta, all mistakes are me. this plot was shaped AFTER about 3000 words so do with that what you will.
> 
> (4/19: some spot editing done, nothing plot related!)

Cassian took responsibility packing for their expedition, which was great because Jyn still didn’t have her bearings about the base, the rebels, and her place in everything.

It wasn’t great, because it left Jyn alone as she could be on a military installation, with plenty of time to think.

She tried to stay out of the way. To keep herself from going mad, she’d eavesdrop. The mechanics, janitorial staff, ones who kept up the weapons, all the staff who stayed _home_ more often than not, were nervous about rumors that they would be picking up and moving base.

The place they were headed wasn’t Yavin. The only similarities between the ice world ( _Hoth_ , lieutenants would whisper in the hallway, passing it on from person to person) and Yavin was the icy landscape. It intimidated much like the zigurat fortress of Yavin did, but for its own secluded reasons.

( _Cold could kill you,_ the Rebels would say, skittering in the hallways like lothmice. _To go through all this, and give up to the environment?_ )

Jyn didn’t know much about the makeup of the planet. Just knew she’d been cold before.

Frozen bones were surely on her horizon. All she could do was walk towards them.

*

There was a reason the two of them were chosen for the initial expedition. Jyn figured it was punishment but Cassian shrugged when she mentioned it.

Maybe it was more. She didn’t yet understand the inner workings of various Alliance teams, so unlike Saw’s cadre. Saw explained things so that you understood the weight of them. He told the truth. 

( _Until he didn’t_ , she would think, drifting into the recesses of her mind, places she thought were lit)

The Alliance would lie to your face in order to keep you around.

At the Alliance secrets flew like y-wings, constant back and forth. Reminiscent of how life in Coruscant was depicted in the trashy holodramas she watched, way back when she still openly yearned for more. Jyn found a few months wasn’t enough to understand how to live amongst them.

*

Everything was loaded when Jyn made her way to the spaceport. She caught a glimpse of Cassian’s back, walking back into their ship to fiddle with some button. His tan shirt work shirt, darkened with sweat, stuck to his skin. A gift from Yavin’s humidity. Something they’d probably miss once in the cold of space, and on the even colder planet.

He could probably feel her staring; she knew but tried not to worry about it. She could look where she wanted.

“You loaded things without me. That eager to get going?” She asked, raising her voice so he could hear over her clanging steps. The metal rattled, not feeling very stable. Jyn wondered exactly where the budget for this expedition was coming from— it had to have been scraped together.

“Where would you go, if you could go on vacation?”

She laughed away his ignoring her. “Yavin’s tropical. There’s bound to be a cabin near a swimming hole somewhere.”

He stopped going over the ships circuitry and turned to face Jyn. Sweat also marked his collar, little lines showing beads that had run down his chest. It was painfully hot on base, Jyn feeling sweat build up under her own shirt.

She guessed maybe everyone was sweaty like he was, and she just didn’t take the time to notice. _Wonder why?_

“I thought you’d be the camping type.”

“I’ve been camping plenty. Didn’t realize it could be a vacation.”

Like a ship ready for landing, she moved towards him. Anchored in his orbit. They were always close. No one else spoke with her like this. She savored it. Since Scarif, she was privy to more of him; his smiles, so faint and few, were magical.They brought up her own.

Now was one of those smiles.

“We’ll try to make this trip one then, even with all the work.”

She thought she caught a blush on him; maybe it was her brain, tricking her to ignore her own red face. 

He still didn’t answer why he packed without her, but she thought on it. Maybe it was meant to be her holiday. She’d tell him later that she preferred to work.

*

They were about 30 minutes away from dropping out of hyperspace.

“These packs look…awfully full.” Jyn ran her hand over hers. It was deep navy, a sturdy fabric shiny with waterproofing. Both packs were bulging. They looked like ones extreme hikers would wear on Lah’mu, when they wanted to hit all the volcanic peaks without reupping supplies. When she was told about the mission, she hadn’t realized it would be so serious.

Cassian sighed, not for the first time on the convoluted ride; they jumped from hyperspace lane to hyperspace lane, spending a few hours in real space here and there, in order to throw off any would-be trackers.

“We’re supposed to be out canvassing for the best spots for our base. They want us to spend as long as we can observing the planet, it’s weather, the wildlife.”

“The Alliance needs to hire some scientists,” Jyn joked; Cassian laughed and she pushed away the brief happiness that flinted up. “But really, why send the two of us?”

“Pathfinders usually have a crew for things like this. But, there’ve been more battles where they’re needed.”

He hesitates towards the end. Jyn presses. “You and I, we aren’t needed?”

“Draven just assigned me to a Pathfinder regiment. I keep my rank, don’t really need to interact with their field teams. Just an excuse to keep me from intelligence.”

“Why would you be kept from intelligence? You’re obviously one of his best.”

“Was is the keyword. I went rogue and killed a huge amount of our men.”

“The Empire killed them.”

“I helped lead them there.”

“I did too.”

“And that’s why we’re here.”

She was confused at that. Finding a base was important; it makes sense this would be punishment for Cassian but for her? OPSEC and normal military operations would mean someone like her wouldn’t be privy to base setup. Her thoughts went back to before lift off: a vacation for her?

That couldn’t be the real reason.

“That’s not why I’m here,” she says, definitively.

Beeping alerts them they are in orbit, able to touch down when they wish.

“Make sure your things are ready. We’ll be landing soon.” Cassian headed for the pilots chair but Jyn’s arm darted out and caught his bicep. He’s not wearing his bulky parka yet, so all that’s between her and skin is a thin thermal. She feels the dotted fabric under her fingers, squeezes a little at the lean muscle underneath.

_I am touching him_ she thought. She didn’t know why her mind felt the need to record the moment.

She found it in her to speak. “You’ll need to tell me why they sent me.”

They way he looked at her reminded her of the elevator. All he does is nod and walk to the front of the craft. Her hand stayed up, frozen, for just a moment. Then she went back to checking her things.

*

He handed her the uniform she’d need to survive Hoth. The bundle was large, almost as big as the pack she’d have to carry. Her own new parka, blue like Cassian’s, was wrapped around the rest of her layers: black thermal underwear, top and bottoms; dark brown hardshell pants; a soft ochre pullover, fleece like blankets her mother used to keep on the farm; thick black socks lined with creature fur; gloves that matched the socks; and hiking boots, also new. The fleece she recognized— Cassian had worn it a few times in transit from missions, when the chill of space was unshakeable. Pulling it on, she took a moment to bury her nose in the neck. Smelled like him.

Coming back into the main room of the ship, Cassian was preparing to anchor and shut it down for the duration of their mission. He wasn’t yet dressed in his layers. His pullover, dingy gray, laid on the table amongst their data pads and scandocs. Jyn gave into the urge to touch it and found it was nowhere near as soft as her layer.

He gave her the good one. She wanted to be mad, but the collar rubbed against her neck slightly and it felt good. 

_It would be a morale booster_ she thought, _in the omnipresent cold._

“I’m about to switch off the heat. It’ll give us about 15 minutes to gather everything up, and then it’ll start getting colder and colder.” 

She wasn’t sure what to do. Her pack was ready; she shoved in her datapad and a scandoc full of doodles, for any note keeping that might be expected. Her boots were double knotted, hopefully good for a day of walking. She pulled on her gloves and watched as Cassian stretched his arms and torso when putting on the fleece.

She blinked to stop staring before he could notice, and wrenched on her own heavy coat.

“I haven’t said thank you yet. For the gear and the clothes.” Jyn’s voice faded as she fiddled with the zipper pull, unable to close it; the fur lining kept getting in the way of the teeth. She blew out a harsh breath and went to pull off her gloves, see if the added dexterity from bare hands would help.

Before she could, Cassian swooped in and grabbed the bottom of her coat.

“I’ll zip you up. New ones can be kind of stiff.”

The zipper hung a little lower than her waist, and her traitor body was hyper aware. Cassian pushed the fur lining in with one hand as he pulled the zipper up, over where her belly button was, her slight chest. Stopping with it snug in the hollow of her throat.

She was covered in layers and bulk. She was exposed down to sinew.

Before leaving her personal space, he touched the fur hood beside one of her ears. It moved like he was stroking it, like you would a hand or cheek.

“You don’t need to say thank you,” Cassian told her. Then he stepped away and pulled on his own coat.

His zipped up perfectly. Good, because she didn’t think her legs could move the meter in order to help.

While he checked and rechecked things he’d already marked as ready, she spent the rest of her time in silent meditation Chirrut told her she’d _need_ on the mission. As always, he was right.

*

Snowshoes were necessary, they realized within moments of their adventure. Collapsable ones, part wood and metal, had luckily been stuffed into a reachable pocket.

“They’re not as sturdy as non-collapsable ones but we needed the extra room,” Cassian told her as he shook her feet, first right and then left, to make sure they were strapped in tight.

Part of their checklist was to see how long they could without using the shoes, so they would have started without them regardless. It annoyed Jyn, knowing that it was expected from the beginning they sit on ice and snow to change their gear.

She was thankful for the inventor of hardshell outdoor pants. Some Rebel-sympathizing seamstress out there deserved the full gifts of the Force.

Hoth looked like a wasteland of white. The first day of their exploration was for the surface. Weather was intense, as expected. Wind howled around them, blinding them with sheets of snow. None were new, just old piles moved around. Jyn was thankful for the scarf around her mouth and the comically large hood on the jacket; it had felt oppressive, like wearing blinders but now she thanked it for blocking what it could of the torrent.

It was also extremely difficult to talk. In order to hear each other, they had to push their heads in close, foreheads almost touching. Their skin together was shockingly cold. Cassian mentioned something about pulling out the hats when they stopped but Jyn could hardly hear. The wind took most of her attention, Cassian’s proximity the rest. For all their closeness, they hardly ever touched skin-to-skin.

After stopping for a moment to discuss what they thought about the snow pack ( _are we over a cave, is this solid ground, how the hell can we tell?_ ) they pushed on for an hour or so. Cassian kept his datapad out, and constantly scanned geomapping the orbital team had gathered weeks ago. It had their path, their eventual criss-crossing over the land, to see what it was. If there were caves, they were to venture inside of them. Crevasses, water, fauna, short term weather patterns. Investigating it all was vital to finding the Rebel’s a new home base.

Jyn thought their mission was simpler: can anyone be outside and survive?

They were just little animals to be used. She found herself getting angry before realizing she’d need to conserve her energy.

Trekking on this planet gave her plenty time to think. It was Hoth summer, which meant despite the temperature the sun stayed bright. The lack of mountains meant it shone fully until sundown, about 10 standard hours. Everything around her was white; it drove out the dark parts of her mind she hadn’t been able to come to terms with yet.

It let her think, silly stupid thoughts.

*

They rested for lunch, again trusting in their hardshell outer layers to keep them dry. A teeny camp stove burned hot as kyber, heating up their protein cubes and some water to slosh down. It’d be easy to get dehydrated out here; so cold you’d forget you needed water. Jyn even took a moment to pull out a scandoc and write it in her notes.

Since when did she want to be this helpful? No matter. It was an important detail, so she wrote it down.

Jyn and Cassian sat beside each other, knees close to their chests. They weren’t huddling but his left and her right were smushed together; she felt her hip defrost slightly with the contact. In her shoes she wiggled her toes, making sure they all were accounted for. The socks and boots kept her protected, but her feet still _knew_ it was cold.

In the corner of her eye Cassian closed and flexed his hands, testing their feeling in the thick gloves he was wearing, the outsides leathery. They looked well-loved.

“You okay?” Cassian asked, leaning in close to her ear. There’s no way he could’ve caught her staring, through his hood and hers, but she felt her face burn.

“Fine. Just thinking of notes for later.”

He glanced at her a moment, silent. Her body tensed, she felt a trickle of sweat down her spine, the dark parts spoke without having a body saying _liar liar liar._ But then he nodded and started to pack up his bowl and cup. She did the same and soon they were up and walking again in the unknown.

*

It wasn’t Draven punishing them; that would be easy for Cassian to admit to her. It had drifted across her mind that maybe it was Mon Mothma — decorating a mission to look important, when really it was to keep them from starting riots among the troops.

But after seeing the size of the tent, she could only think _Chirrut had a hand in this._ Jyn was sure his first question upon her return would be, “How was the sleeping situation?”

How was it?

It would be tight. The tent was taller than some she’d been in before, allowing her to stand up straight in the middle, where the largest support rail stood. Cassian had to hunch; she knew it would be hell on his back, all the walking too.

She wondered when he’d finally answer her question. Who sent them here? Maybe he wouldn’t tell her, knowing she was looking at someone to be angry with.

_If he hurts his back again, I’ll be angry with everyone._

Jyn had a feeling she should wait before asking though, and she unusually listened to that feeling.

She helped lay out the floor, stake the beams and string over the thick, plastic tenting, covered in the same fabric they used for emergency blankets as a kind of insulation. Cassian set up the little camp stove again, and a travel, battery powered heater some engineers on base had put together. One night on the planet, they were expected to try surviving with a normal fire, but they were getting used to the journey and allowed themselves the comfort.

Built in hooks on the beam near the entrance held their coats, easy access for when they had to go outside and relieve themselves. Jyn had used the bathroom in plenty weird places, camping and killing and whatever else a Partisan could do; nowhere had been this cold. She dreaded when she’d have to venture out, but breathed like Chirrut had taught her, a way to release things that were out of her control.

Since Cassian had pulled together lunch, Jyn prepped the night’s protein cubes, let them soak and expand. The droning of the wind just out of reach, the bubbling of stove, the methodical noises of Cassian checking their gear. It was different than the white noise from earlier. She couldn’t help but think in another situation it would make her restless, all the constant newness. Now she’s just tired.

“Would caf keep us from sleeping?” She wanted more than canteen water; the metal canister made each gulp taste faintly of iron-y blood. 

Her voice was scratchy from non-use. Cassian squinted his eyes at her.

“Are you getting sick?”

“I’m used to talking all day on base, constantly explaining what I’ve been up to. Not used to being quiet anymore. And you didn’t answer the question.”

He didn’t look convinced but turned back to their gear, cleaning off her snowshoes now, checking the hinges and clips. “I never sleep good. Doubtful caf will hurt either way.”

Jyn sloughed the protein cubes onto their plates, and started boiling more water. With the stove in one corner and the heater in the other, the room was bearable. She figured they would sleep with their bedrolls in the center of the tent, so they wouldn’t feel the wind slapping against the walls, searching for cracks.

Cassian didn’t touch his portion until he ensured all their gear was still in-shape. Jyn poured his caf after he sat down, so it’d be hot. They only had a finite amount of everything, but especially the instant caf powder they stole from the kitchen. It was less than she’d want for a long trip, so she hoped to ration it out. Their nightcap could stand to be weak.

“You didn’t need to do dinner,” he told her, taking bites from a hunk of cube on his fork. “I don’t expect you to do the cooking.”

“Don’t they say eventually every woman finds a man she’d cook for?”

The dark part of her brain laughed; it fed when she made a fool of herself.

Cassian smiled, enough to crinkle at the eyes. She still felt the need to follow up with a real answer.

“You did our lunch. It’s only fair we trade. This is my mission too.”

“That it is,” he says, but the smile’s gone. “About that…”

He let himself chew his last bite thoroughly, taking his time, testing her patience.

“There’s not that much to taste Cassian. Tell me what you’re going to say.”

“It’s really just my mission. Wasn’t supposed to have someone come along.”

That surprised her. She figured at least two people would be standard for this kind of expedition. Anyway, he was a captain. He was different than a normal foot soldier. They wouldn’t normally send him on one of these trips, especially not alone.

“Aren’t you worried it’s a trap? To isolate you?”

His response is quick. “If the Alliance wanted us dead we would be. We wouldn’t be flying off with resources.”

She shrugged at that, her only acknowledgement of its truth.

“Why am I here then, Cassian?”

Jyn looks him straight in the eye for the first time all day. He’s a trained soldier, an officer of Rebel Intelligence. When he answers, he doesn’t look away.

“My home world has become common knowledge.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It’s cold.”

It helped make some sense of why he’d come along. A kind of punishment, but he also knew better than anyone how to live on a cold world.

“And you just asked that I come along?”

No answer, but she gets a _look_ again, the kind that thaws.

For some reason, she starts feeling upset. She gathers their dishes, throws on her coat and goes outside for some air.

Why would he possibly want her to come along? Does he feel like she ought to be punished?

_He’s too nice for that to be it._

She ignored the answers that immediately came to her. Focusing on anything but, she used snow to scrape out their plates and cups. Each breath heaved in hurt but was welcome. There are only a few tasks she can do out here before being forced inside, and she does them methodically.

Cassian gave her space but eventually she heard his footsteps crunching in the ice.

“Come inside before you freeze,” he said, predictable.

_Why are you taking care of me_ bubbled in her throat. Somehow she kept it from coming out.

“Why am I here?” she asked instead.

“Come inside and I’ll tell you.” There’s a lilt in his voice, like a smile. She wants to protest but the wind picks up. Grudgingly she steps inside, not looking at his face to confirm her suspicions.

Anger or fear, she wasn’t quite sure what she was feeling. Whatever it was had distracted her from the cold. Full-body shivers started as soon as she entered the tent, her body slow to reacclimatize to what heat they built inside. She wanted to keep the coat on, but the outside was wet from blowing snow and needed to dry before they headed out tomorrow. Her gloves also needed to be stripped off, along with her shoes and socks. They didn’t have outfits to change into everyday, so she wasn’t sure about stripping off the thermals.

_When we return, if I beg at Mon Mothma’s feet, pull the ‘my father’ card…maybe she can find me a real shower with water. Hot. Not a tumbling sonic._

Her confused feelings melted away as she thought about that exchange, how odd it seemed that she wanted a comfort. She hadn’t wanted in so long. 

She’d worn clothes longer than this, and done worse in them. She can’t remember the last time she bathed with water.

“I have not forgotten what we were talking about,” she tells Cassian after a few minutes, keeping her voice level. She drags her shoes off her feet, flexing them, surprised at how much they ached already.

“Of course not.” His toed his shoes off, socks still on while he sets up the bedrolls, the sleeping bags. He glances at her and then gestures in front of him. “We’ll need to sleep close. Can’t keep the heater on max all night.”

“Of course,” she mirrored; it felt like the right thing to say.

Inside her mind told her again _liar liar_ but she couldn’t figure out what she was lying about. Or maybe she could, she just didn’t want to know yet.

He said he’d tell her if she came inside. Whining like a child wouldn’t help but she wanted to be petulant, demand he tell her.

“We have about 10 hours or so before daylight again. I’m going to do my notes and then try and get some sleep.” Cassian stretched his legs out on the bedroll and turned to his datapad, swiping away at pages. All the things they had to study.

“Can you at least tell me what my notes need to be?”

He mumbles something. _An easy question…_ she thinks she hears, but then he speaks up.

“I want your observations. You know how to pick people apart. You know how people react. What would our people do here? Could they stand it? Can we make them strong enough?”

That’s such a big job, it felt fake. Something to keep her occupied. But if anyone truly believed in her, it was Cassian. He was relying on her to help him.. To help the whole Alliance survive.

“Simple job then,” was all she said aloud. 

They let the silence settle, and dived into working on their datapads and scandocs.

*

_//Erso, Jyn//_

_.notes_

_Hoth Expedition: Day 1_

_Walking without snowshoes seems impossible. New snowfall piles soft onto the ice, so it’s hard to find any grip even in hiking boots._

_Weather: faint moments of new snowfall. The squalls picked up when daylight ended so we think we might wake up to more fresh powder. The wind even during the day is intense._

_We started with plenty of layers, but I’m happy I kept my scarf around. I do wish I had a warmer one. Tomorrow, we’ll need to wear our knitted hats in addition to keeping our hoods up._

_I don’t think knitted socks alone would work, especially for patrolling. Should invest in good fabric and get people to sew for themselves. Same for gloves._

_Battery powered heaters seem to be best. I’m not sure when we’ll try the fire, but it won’t be easy to start or keep going. The camp stove with fuel works well. Our food has been hot._

_Dehydration would be easy out here. It’s so cold I almost forgot to drink. There would need to be training on the climate, and canteens built to resist freeze._

_Notes for tomorrow:_

_-Boiling snow for water should kill anything bad, but we’ll need to try and check the levels of chemicals— I’m assuming Cassian packed some test strips. We brought water purifiers but it’d be nice to not waste if we can help it._

_-Do my feet hurt because I’m not used to walking in snowshoes, or does the weather make me focus solely on one thing?_

_-Why am I Cassian’s partner on this mission?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had some issues with this, but then i read a tweet talking about it's fanfiction and it's yours!! don't talk shit about yourself.
> 
> i took it to heart and will not outline all my issues in an author's note.
> 
> hope you enjoy!

There was a part of Jyn, buried down so deep in the rubble of her person, of her could-have-been self, that she hadn’t seriously listened to in years. She didn’t know what to call it— the girly part of herself, the part she allowed to yearn. This part wasn’t interested in war. It wasn’t interested in the absence of pain either. Just a different kind of pain. Like when you see someone and your chest is so full of longing for them you feel like your lungs are going to explode and your body fly around moons like a balloon with the air let out.

She felt it once, and successfully pushed it away every time since.

Tonight, she recognized it as _wanting._

Cassian turned towards an empty corner while she changed next to the battery heater. The temperature skewed to be somewhat uncomfortable, so she relished the few minutes she had near the heat bare skinned before finally dragging on clean clothes. He could probably feel her staring at him but she pretended it didn’t bother her. The back of his hair was starting getting longer, locks hitting his shirt collar. Some of them stuck out, pieces he worried whenever he was thinking. Her fingers twitched, almost aching to feel his hair, scratch his scalp.

She tucked herself into bed and Cassian turned back to his work. His paperwork was much more intense than her own. He had to take out bits and bobs that were stored in his pockets: a couple different temperature gauges, a few scraps of different kinds of cloth. She saw him jotting down notes about the snow, how often they saw it and what it felt like. The speed they traveled, and how far he thought a group could travel that distance filled in another section. 

They both knew she wouldn’t sleep right away. He occasionally asked her questions, jotting down her perceptions like they were equal to his. Jyn’s body ached for sleep, but her brain was more interested in the two of them sleeping side-by-side.

She was hyperaware of Cassian, their bodies always headed toward each other. This was the first time they’d slept together in the same room without being in a bacta tank or sharing a ship hull. Her brain kept running through the thought: _he’s right there, make a move._

The scratch of his stylus against the scandoc lulled her closer to sleep. She watched Cassian until her eyes drooped, staring at his wrist flicking against the page. He moved to dig in his bag, leaving a strip of skin exposed where his thermal bottom and top didn’t quite meet. It was very cute. She wanted to ask him if he were cold; she wanted to feel for herself.

She did none of those things. The occasional pop of the heater and the white noise of wind outside buzzed in her ears. She snuggled down into her sleeping bag, eyes drifting shut. Cassian paused his writing mid-sentence to look at her. Jyn peeked up at him and gave a little smile. It was seconds until she’d finally fall asleep, and she guessed he could tell.

“Night Jyn.” His voice was soft, and he placed a hand on her head, swiping his thumb in a gentle back and forth motion over her scalp.

The last thing she remembered before falling completely was pushing her head into his hand, like a lothcat would when they wanted all the attention someone could give.

*

Jyn did not sleep well. She couldn’t remember if she woke throughout the night, but the sleeping bag was pulled tight in places like she was twisting and turning. Her jaw ached from grinding her teeth. Cassian didn’t look any better; he must have worked into the night on his notes. Jyn didn’t remember him going to sleep when she did. The bedroll and sleeping bag were probably hard on his back too; he wouldn’t rest well at all on this trip.

He had risen just as she was starting to wake up. Breakfast was ready by the time she uncocooned herself, a meal of dehydrated meat and porridge instead of another protein cube. Jyn tried not to care about what she ate because it didn’t matter as long as it fueled her, but she was pleased Cassian packed some variety.

“Caf?” He titled the small pot with boiled water her way.

“Of course.”

She stirred in the powder, watching the pattern change as it melted into the liquid. Chirrut tried showing her before she left how he reads his tea leaves, and while she wasn’t convinced it meant anything, she tried it herself. The grounds at the bottom when she finished were well distributed, gathering when she titled the cup.

“It’s going to snow more today,” she caught herself saying.

“How do you know?”

“The grounds say so.”

He snorted and took the cup away from her.

“It’s a snowy planet. Of course it’s going to snow.”

He started zipping up his coat and gathered the pans and utensils to wash up outside. Jyn also rose to get dressed for day.

“Well, the grounds aren’t lying. Maybe if I believe in them they’ll tell me other things.”

He paused by the flap door.

“Anything in particular?”

_You, me. The “us” that seems to be somewhat permanent._

“I don’t know yet.”

He raised a brow and left her to get dressed.

*

It snowed through out the night, almost a full meter. It was soft, no hard ice, but they still had to dig out the tent before packing it up. Jyn sweated under her layers, cursing when the first bead rolled down her back. It would be a shitty day, nowhere near as good as the first. 

Cassian had explained the weather patterns to her before they ever left Yavin, but his grimace told Jyn he was just as unhappy about how their day was looking.

Fresh snow pack was harder to walk on, not having as steady a foundation. Mid-morning sun quickly melted the snow in some spots, patches refreeezing fast in the wind. An hour into the journey, Jyn noticed the strain on her calf muscles were much worse than the day before, probably from tip-toeing around ice.

It would be hell for flying in and out, and keeping the patrol team scheduled would become infinitely more difficult, but constant snowfall would keep tracks covered, disguising travel from spies or air assault. Jyn made a mental note to remind the teams back on base to investigate the weather patterns further. She’d keep track of the seven day happenings while they were here, but she wouldn’t figure out the larger patterns on her own.

Cassian slipped something wrapped in kitchen paper into her coat pocket, interrupting her thoughts.

“What’s that?” It isn’t often paper like that was used outside of food, but she didn’t know what he could give her that wasn’t prepackaged.

He took another out of his pocket and handed it to her. “Fruit leather. Not sure of the name, but the kitchen crew found a new fruit. Something tropical from the trees on Yavin. They’ve been experimenting with it, and hoarding as much as they can.”

“So they don’t make it for everyone?”

“They save it for people who spend time in the wild. We barely qualified. I had to trade them for a decent amount of it.”

Her belly rumbled. They were still an hour or two from a lunch break. She resisted devouring the whole strip, instead ripping off small pieces, savoring it. The wind had died down, so she fell into step beside Cassian instead behind him.

“I haven’t had sweets in years.”

He laughed, pulling off a piece of his own candy.

“I wanted to find us something special. I’m glad you like it.”

“I’ll repay you. Soon as we get back,” Jyn replied, the words rushing out of her before she could think about them. Cassian looked at her for a moment, confused.

“You don’t have to pay me back. Your payment was not telling me to fuck off when I told you about the mission.”

“Didn’t know I had a choice.”

“Would you really have came if you didn’t want to?”

She would’ve thrown a fit if that was the case. If it was a random soldier she was forced to join she would’ve walked in on meetings, she would’ve fought them in the barracks, she would have done whatever she had to ensure she stayed on base.

When Cassian asked her, she immediately said yes, no second-guessing.

“I’m with you all the way, you know. I wouldn’t have stayed on Yavin otherwise.”

His eyes softened. Everything on him did; she saw some of the ever-present tension leave his neck, his jaw. His mouth opening in a soft sigh.

“Good.”

*

Seven days were all they were packed for. It meant they had to walk 10 or 15 miles a day to hit the geomarkers. They needed to gather as much relevant information as they could in 7 days. On the second day’s journey Jyn realized how much preparing the rebellion would need to move here.

She began to think of all observations as important, even the small ones.

It was darker out, for one. Visibility was low, snow showers steady after they stopped for lunch. Jyn tugged on knitted cap Cassian pulled from his pack, making sure it stayed anchored over her ears. It muffled the constant whooshing of the snow, though her own tinnitus would come and go, echoing. The parka fit her trunk fine, but the hood was oversized and would keep dipping into her eyesight. The wind picked up with the showers, forcing her to trudge behind Cassian again. His larger frame let her drift behind him using less power; she wanted to help him but her in front would still force his head against the wind. Her beside him would make them both tired, and she’d doubted he’d let her expend that much energy when there was an obvious solution.

She couldn’t imagine the state his back must be in. The worst gusts forced him to tuck his chin into this chest, the top of his spine curling over. Pulling his head back up made him pause for a moment, like his back seized when he lifted.

Cassian would be worthless on base for at least a week or two after they got back. Even his classroom duties for the Intelligence sector required him to stand for lectures, and Jyn imagined the pain would become worse when he wasn’t pushing through a mission.

As for her…the new shoes were a bad idea. They were traveling more today than the day before, and her feet were starting to feel it. Her old boots maybe would’ve led to frostbitten toes, but her heels wouldn’t already be aching.

Everyone would have to seriously break in boots before planetfall, or she didn’t know if they’d all make it. She stayed Cassian’s shadow for miles more and imagined the cost.

*

“The topography maps you showed me…I didn’t think they had mountains, did they?”

They had stopped early because the snowfall had gotten immense. Jyn focused so hard on puttingone foot in front of the other all day, she hadn’t sensed the elevation change.

It was about an hour from sundown, the horizon dimmed only slightly, when Cassian snapped still in front of her. He grunted when she hit him, and she slipped her hands around his waist quick, trying to soften the blow.

It was a very comfortable hug. They held it a beat or two too long.

Jyn reckoned it couldn’t have been too bad since he didn’t pull away immediately.

“Might have been snowy when the satellites came over and they couldn’t pick them up. They’re rounded, probably old. Not sure if that could affect pick up…”

They set up camp quicky, tent pitched into the side of a rolling hill so the wind wasn’t on them from all directions. Despite that it was colder than the first night. They set up their packs behind them so they could incline while they eat and finished up notes.

“It’s going to be colder tonight,” Cassian said, not looking up from his scandoc.

It was so cold they decided wordlessly it was time to snuggle. Only for a minute or two, Jyn said to herself. Cassian had an arm draped over her shoulders, tucking her into his side. She had the arm closest to him around his waist, her other grabbing at the fleece under his coat.

Neither moved to undress. The chill echoing around them would only get worse as the night went on, and they would have to cut the camp stove off before sleeping, leaving only their little heater.

“We gotta change. Dry bottom layer at least,” Jyn managed to chatter out. She felt Cassian’s nod, his scruff scratch against her head. They stayed still, breathing, preparing themselves.

_It’s only the second night, and we’re already this tired…_

Jyn’s thoughts trailed off as he released her, reluctantly giving up her hold on him. Once he was back on his feet, he grabbed her hand and helped her up.

“I think we should stay near each other when changing. The heater plus our body heat should keep us from being too uncomfortable.”

She wanted to make a joke but it was too fucking cold to talk about anything but business.

“We’re going to have to sleep together Cassian.”

“Not how I wanted our first time doing this to happen, if I’m being honest.”

She choked out a laugh as they moved together towards where the stove and heater were— together this time to see if that maximized the heat output, as compared to separate parts of the tent like the first night. Not that this would be a good night to compare.

Instead of replying like a smartass, or following up with something half desperate sounding, she kept thinking about heat in the tent, and what materials they would need for scouts, and how much the Pathfinders would curse when their weekend survival trainings would be out in the snow. When that wasn’t enough (why was she undressing so slowly?) she thought about the scientific method; if they really wanted to test the heat output they’d trek back to where they were before and hope it was warmer and THEN see the combined heat works.

That would go in her notes. Whatever higher-up had to look it would laugh at her, acting like a fucking scientist, but it mattered.

She remembered the logs her mother would keep when they’d go see the rocks. Her observations, not just about the rocks but the environment they were found and what other wildlife was around.

Her mother was a trained scientist. Now Jyn was pretending to be one.

She had always wanted to be just like her mother.

Jyn was distracted by her thoughts, too stuck in her head to think of the world around her. When she bent to pull up her dry thermal bottoms, her hip grazed Cassian’s.

He must’ve been slow to redress too, because it was skin on skin. They were both freezing; Jyn jolted away from him, extra goosebumps rising in the spot.

“Shit,” Cassian mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not…not a big deal,” she managed to rumble out.

They pulled on the rest of their clothes without speaking, listening instead to wind howl and fabric rustle. The idea of snuggling made Jyn’s face burn. It should’ve just been about surviving the mission, but it was more than that. What a scary thought.

“We should go ahead and zip the sleeping bags together. Then eat the quick bars and finish our work.” Cassian was practical— he would steer them on when Jyn didn’t know which way to turn.

Once tucked in, they sat hip-to-hip. Both propped scandocs on their laps, writing their observations. Cassian spoke under his breath, thinking of the best way to describe the terrain. Jyn caught snatches of his words— “difficult to traverse,” “intense training needed…” He wasn’t going to sugarcoat it for them. The decision to move bases could cost rebels their lives— they needed to know.

It was late, and Jyn caught herself flagging. She hadn’t written any new notes, instead reading over old ones, words blurring together into mush. She decided maybe her observations weren’t what made her important on this trip. Maybe she was there to be a test subject. She’s just as well trained as any regular member of army should be, and not used to extreme climate. Cassian was the true scientist on this expedition, and she his experiment.

She found the thought didn’t bother her too much.

Somehow she found the strength to scratch out her observations. Towards the end she started drifting off. The low light, the repetitive noises around her. The presence beside her. If it wasn’t a hellscape planet she’d feel perfect.

Before her eyes finally drooped down she caught herself leaning into Cassian, face smushed against his bicep. She felt his skin at the edge of her mouth and bravely pressed a kiss.

*

_//Erso, Jyn//_

_.notes_

_Hoth Expedition: Day 2_

_Survival training needs to be intense and as long as can be spared. Need to enlist whoever has experience on a difficult planet to help. Shouldn’t matter if it was cold; they only need to know how serious a place like this can be._

_Knit blankets need to be reinforced. Uniforms as well, any old coats will need an added layer. There’s not enough money for all the Rebels who stay mainly on base to get new clothes…might need to call in some favors._

_We haven’t seen any wildlife yet? Can a planet exist without life? Or is that was makes it a candidate for base? Also the scans hid topography. We didn’t realize there’d be elevation change. How much of that will we be able to see before we turn around day after tomorrow?_

_I know why I’m here. I’m a good soldier._

_tomorrow:_

_-After today, I’m just thinking that we need to survive to make it back to our ship._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i'm woahpip on tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> really i have an idea of where this is going but its not anything special!!i just wanted an excuse for space sharing.
> 
> i hope everyone is staying safe right now!!
> 
> chapter 2 to come soon?? quarantine has me typing so fast some days just to get out of my head.........
> 
> (woahpip on tumblr!)


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